


Vinegary Dreams

by SuperTrouperLights



Series: heaven is a place on earth [2]
Category: Dark (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Drinking to Cope, Explicit Language, F/F, First Time, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kathannah - Relationship, Psychological Horror, References to The Haunting of Hill House, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:28:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25558102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperTrouperLights/pseuds/SuperTrouperLights
Summary: Just seeing Katharina made Hannah lose her composure. The dirty blonde had a small caring smile on her face and it instantly made Hannah open one of her own - and it was the best thing Hannah had felt in days.A follow up to my previous Kathannah fic "A world without Winden", picking up right after the kiss. I strongly recommend you to read that before reading this.
Relationships: Hannah Kahnwald/Katharina Nielsen
Series: heaven is a place on earth [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1848217
Comments: 12
Kudos: 25





	Vinegary Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!!!! Here I am with another Kathannah fic, exactly a month after the apocalypse. Everything is connected lol
> 
> There are a lot of trigger warnings for this so beware everyone! We have mentions of suicide, alcoholism and horror elements.
> 
> This took me some time to write but it's finally here and I hope you all enjoy it. Good reads!

**WINDEN, JUNE 21ST 2019**

  
  


Hannah returned home by herself. Jonas had of course stayed behind with Martha, both locked away in the girl’s room. Later she thanked the universe for that, at least her son didn’t have to witness what she had.

She got home at around 3 in the morning, locked the front door, and made her way upstairs with careful steps so as to not wake up Michael. Pointless.

Hannah’s mind was still a bit cloudy, her thoughts drifting from Katharina and the kiss, which made her smile like a schoolgirl madly in love, to the good man she had for a husband waiting for her, making guilt rise in the pits of her stomach. 

When she entered their room, Michael wasn’t in bed, so the only other place he could be was the attic, probably working on another painting. So Hannah went up the stairs, knocked on the door twice before calling Michael’s name and opening the door.

She stayed still for what seemed an eternity, but it was probably a couple of minutes, just staring at her husband’s limp dangling feet.

Suddenly thunder cracked and a flash of light lit up the room, and for a split second Hannah was able to see his face, pale and motionless, and she was finally snapped back to reality.

Hannah quickly closed the door behind her and tried to go down the stairs as fast as she could without falling.

Her hands were shaking as she went through her bag on top of the dinner table and searched for her phone. What was she doing? Who was she supposed to call? An ambulance? Michael was already dead. The police? Ines?

But Hannah knew there was really one person she had the strength to call right now.

Katharina had just finished brushing her teeth when she heard her phone ringing.

When she saw the name flashing on the screen, a little smile crept up on her face.

“Hannah?” Katharina grinned as she spoke. 

“Katharina.” Hannah’s voice was very different from what Katharina had expected it to sound like. Her name came out like a sigh of relief on the other side of the line. “I’m- I- I don’t-”

“Hannah? What’s going on?”

The smirk faded away and Katharina tensed her brows as worry came crashing down on her. Hannah was stuttering, uneasy, that was not like her at all.

“Michael- something happened. I don’t- please, come here.” Hannah didn’t have to say anything else, Katharina knew something bad had happened.

“I’ll be there in five. Don’t move.”

“Don’t tell Jonas.”

“I won’t.”

Katharina ended the call and rushed to wake up Ulrich. They only took strikingly 3 minutes to get ready before leaving the house and heading to Hannah’s.

Ulrich offered to drive but Katharina was in a state of rush. She didn’t answer him, just walked to the driver’s side and Ulrich got the cue. On the way, he texted Magnus, leaving him in charge until they got back. Ulrich also tried to ask what was happening but Katharina didn’t answer him.

She messily parked the car in front of the Kanhwald’s home and ran to the front door, knocking twice, loudly, before she reached for the knob.

“Hannah?” The door was unlocked and as soon as Katharina made her way to the kitchen, she saw Hannah sitting by the table, her eyes focused on the floor. She rushed towards the woman and kneeled in front of her before taking Hannah’s face in her hands, just like she did a few hours before, but now in a much more unpleasant scenario. “Hannah?”

“I’ll go check upstairs.” Ulrich said quickly before he ran up to see what was going on, leaving the two women alone.

Hannah was trying her best to keep it together, but now that Katharina was there it was like she had finally found shelter after running carelessly for days in the wilderness. She tried to take a breath and not cry but everything just crashed down on her.

Katharina tilted her head in confusion, almost disbelief, while Hannah started sobbing, her face instinctively leaning closer to Katharina’s hands in search of any sort of comfort, or hope that things would be okay. Katharina had never seen Hannah like that, with puffy red eyes and showing her tiredness in her posture. Hannah was always the image of composure, of balance. Katharina was the unhinged one with the traumatic past.

“Hey, hey, shh, it’s okay. It’s okay, Hannah.” Katharina whispered before pulling the brunette into her arms for a tight hug. She still didn’t know what was happening but Katharina just wished she could take all this pain and hurt away from Hannah. “What happened?”

Hannah hugged Katharina like she was a life jacket, keeping her from drowning in the ocean. She hid her face in Katharina’s neck and took in the smell of her perfume and it immediately had a calming effect on her. Hannah wasn’t drowning, she was okay, Katharina was there.

“Hannah?” Katharina’s voice was small so she wouldn’t scare Hannah away before she slowly pushed herself away to look straight into those doe eyes. “I need you to talk to me.”

The brunette sniffed a couple of times and pulled her hands away from Katharina to dry her tears with the back of her hand. Katharina helped by smoothing a couple of tears away herself with her thumb before placing her hands gently on Hannah’s cheeks again.

Hannah had to take control of this situation. She let herself feel for those brief seconds but it was enough. She still had to call Ines and talk to the police. And Jonas. God, what was she supposed to tell him? That his father killed himself? How was she supposed to tell him that? No, she couldn’t let herself feel. She had to be strong for Jonas. He was really all that mattered now.

“He’s in the attic.” Hannah’s voice was like an emotionless breath. “I came down the stairs, called you, unlocked the door, and then called the police. They should be arriving.”

Katharina almost backed away with the sudden and sharp change in Hannah’s voice. But before she could comment on it, she heard the loud sound of Ulrich’s steps coming down the stairs. Katharina looked over her shoulder to see him and Ulrich was pale, like he had seen a ghost. He shook his head and Katharina understood the message.

They heard sirens approaching from the streets and slowly the red and blue lights from the police cars started slipping through the windows.

… 

**August 26th, 2019**

No one was taking Michael's death well, but Jonas was definitely the one taking it the hardest. He was depressed and anxious, and since classes started he was having panic and anxiety attacks. So Hannah sat down with him and they talked, and Jonas decided he wanted to spend some time away in a psychiatric institution.

Hannah wasn’t against it, of course. She knew Michael had his own demons and the last thing she wanted was for them to be transferred to Jonas.

So that morning she dropped Jonas at the clinic and returned to an empty house. It wasn’t even a home anymore. Maybe it never was.

And yes, it was very depressing.

She was happy her son was getting the help he needed, but what about her? Isn’t she allowed to have help? To have company? For fuck’s sake her husband died and no one seems to fucking care. Well, not no one.

Katharina had been checking up on her. Everyday. It was both a blessing and a curse. It was good to have someone she could count on, someone she knew would be there for her, but Katharina’s messages and sudden visits just reminded Hannah of how Michael’s death was her fault. If she just had stayed at home…

She hadn’t kissed Katharina again since that night.

“Fuck-” Hannah cursed as she leaned against the counter.

It was night already. She didn’t even realize the passage of time anymore. Every day was the same, the same numb and exhausting feeling inside of her. And the dreams.

Sometimes she dreamed she was kissing Katharina and everything was good and right. Sometimes she dreamed they were in her bed, Katharina with her hands on her body, and she whispered Hannah’s name in her ear like a prayer. But every time Hannah looked up to see her face, a brown, thick rope appeared wrapping around Katharina’s neck and pulling her up from the bed until she was being hung from the ceiling. Thunder crashed and Hannah woke up with sweat and her heart caught in her throat.

Sometimes she ran to the bathroom to throw up, sometimes she cried until her eyes got sore, sometimes she screamed against her pillow so Jonas wouldn’t listen. But no matter what, she always got out of her bedroom with her posture right and a clean face. She had to be strong, tough, for Jonas.

The dreams were worse in the first few weeks, but now Hannah grew more accustomed to them. And she found a good way to avoid them. If Hannah drank, her body and mind would collapse in the bed after a while and she usually had a tranquil and dreamless night. She never woke rested or relaxed, though.

Hannah reached to one of the cabinets and grabbed a glass before walking to the fridge and looking for that half-empty bottle of wine. But unfortunately, her plans were ruined when she heard a knock on the door.

She waited. Maybe if she kept quiet the person would leave. But Hannah heard knocking again, and then she closed her eyes at the muffled voice coming from outside.

“Hannah? I know you’re there.” Katharina’s voice was calm. “Come on, open the door. Please.”

There was no way she was getting away from this one, so Hannah just placed the bottle on top of the table and walked to the front door.

She stood there, hand on the knob, and a little hesitant to twist it open. But she did open it.

Just seeing Katharina made Hannah lose her composure. The dirty blonde had a small caring smile on her face and it instantly made Hannah open one of her own - and it was the best thing Hannah had felt in days.

“Hey.” Katharina’s smile opened a little more, like she was testing how far she could go.

“Hey.” Hannah answered and let her smile get a little bigger too.

“Can I come in?” Katharina asked before picking up a couple of bags and a suitcase from the floor. “I brought snacks.”

Hannah’s eyes widened at the suitcase but she grabbed it anyway from Katharina’s hand and helped her into the house. “I’m afraid to ask what’s in the bag.”

Katharina locked the door behind them and took the groceries to the kitchen while Hannah dropped the suitcase near the stairs.

“Well, Jonas left today and you shouldn’t be alone so I’m staying for a couple of weeks whether you like it or not.”

“Katharina-”

“No, there’s no arguing about this. The kids will be fine without me.” And yes, Katharina avoided saying Ulrich’s name on purpose. “I won’t annoy you all day, I still need to leave for work. I promise you we’re gonna have fun. I’ll even watch one of those old boring musicals you like--”

“Katharina-” She had been so focused on delivering the speech she had worked on all day, Katharina didn’t process Hannah walking and stopping in front of her. Hannah just took her hands and gave them a light squeeze, her eyes foggy with unshed tears. “Thank you.”

Katharina’s heart broke and melted at the same time, and all she wanted was to kiss Hannah but she knew she couldn’t. Things got weird between them, of course. It hadn’t been their fault, but now she felt like Hannah was the only one with the power to choose if they were going to pursue their story or just make it a long-gone dream. She would never force anything on Hannah, especially not now. So for the last couple of months, they had acted like everything was normal, when everything was but normal.

“You don’t have to thank me.” Katharina brought Hannah’s hands to her lips and planted a quick kiss to each one of them before giving the brunette a reassuring smile. “I see you were planning on having a party for one.”

Katharina motioned to the bottle of wine on top of the table and Hannah laughed.

“No party, just relaxing.” Lie. Hannah never relaxed. “I have a patient tomorrow so I need some kind of sleep.”

“Hm, yeah, that’s not gonna happen while I’m around.”

“Excuse me?” Hannah quirked a brow in amusement and Katharina walked over to the table to grab the bottle.

“From now on, we only drink alcohol for fun, and not to sleep.”

“Then you’re gonna have to find another way to make me sleep.”

“I’m sure I can think of something.” Katharina joked as she pulled the cork from the bottle and took a sniff at the liquid inside. “Jesus, this is basically vinegar now.”

Katharina quickly put the cork back in the bottle to stop the acidic smell from spreading and placed it near the sink. 

“It still does the job.”

“Well, I’m doing the job now. You don’t need any more cheap wine.”

Hannah rolled her eyes at Katharina’s words and the blonde couldn’t help but smile. She just wanted to see Hannah back up on her feet again.

“It’s a school night. Shouldn’t you be heading to bed, Principal?” Hannah asked with a slightly teasing tone. She looked over her shoulder with a smirk while walking towards the bottom of the stairs. It felt good to have Katharina there, it felt safe. Maybe she could give it a try at a night without drinking to sleep.

“Ah… I see what you’re doing.”

“What am I doing?” Hannah had that teasing tone again and Katharina laughed.

She knew Hannah was just being playful, and it was good seeing her more relaxed, but it was hard to not get carried away. Katharina wanted to walk over to Hannah, softly press their bodies together and kiss her like lovers do. Hannah had no idea how much Katharina missed her.

“Hm.” Katharina hummed as she walked over to her suitcase and picked it up from the floor. “I’ll stay in Jonas' room. But you won’t get rid of me that easily tomorrow. I have a bunch of stuff planned for us.”

“I can’t wait for it.” Hannah smiled before she started going up the stairs, Katharina following behind her. When Hannah reached her room, Katharina passed by her to enter Jonas’ bedroom, but Hannah quickly placed a hand on her arm before calling her. “Katharina?”

The blonde turned in a swift move, locking her eyes with Hannah’s. “Yeah?”

It was like that night they kissed. The night Michael killed himself.

Katharina had that look. She was resolved, she didn’t have a storm in her eyes. Hannah didn’t have it either. She still wanted Katharina just as badly as before, but she felt cursed. The last thing she wanted was to ruin Katharina’s life. She would never do that to the person she loved.

“You know your way around the house. Make yourself at home.”

It was all Hannah managed to say. But Katharina seemed to understand.

“Don’t worry.”

“Okay. Goodnight.”

Katharina smiled, that soft genuine smile that made Hannah lose her breath.

“Goodnight, Hannah.”

She walked away and entered the bedroom. Hannah did the same.

… 

Katharina pulled Hannah by the hand as they slowly walked into this large grey room. They were going down a sort of aisle, with church-like benches on either side of it.

“It’s okay. Don’t be scared.” Katharina said. Her voice was calm. Hannah still didn’t understand fully what was going on. “They had to make a few changes so she would look more… presentable.”

This felt like a dream, but it couldn’t be. Hannah had never dreamed about this before. This was real. Hannah had this strange feeling. The air was thick and walking felt like an accomplishment. Each step was like running a marathon.

Katharina guided her down the hallway as she spoke and Hannah saw some familiar faces.

“They ripped out her organs and eyeballs, and they sucked out all the blood and the shit, and plugged her holes so she wouldn’t leak.”

Charlotte and Peter were there. Crying.

“They wired her jaw so she couldn’t scream.”

Regina and Aleksander too. Also crying.

“And they painted her face, her hands, and set her eyelids on spikes so they wouldn’t stare.” Katharina continued and Hannah saw Ulrich and the Nielsen kids on another bench, holding a sad expression.

Hannah looked to the other side and saw Michael was alone, staring at her as they walked.

“They hung flowers for the smell and fixed her neck, posing her just the way we like.”

Katharina stopped and Hannah did too. On the last bench was Jonas, sobbing by himself.

“Straight back, head up high. The picture of composure.”

When she looked straight forward, Hannah saw an open casket and a huge frame with a picture of herself by its side.

“They found her with a rope around her neck.”

Katharina stood behind her now and Hannah saw a rope passing by her eyes before it slowly started to tighten up against her throat in a knot.

“Poor thing. But now… now she is fixed and pretty.”

Hannah slowly approached the casket, Katharina’s voice like a breath on her ear. With each step, the knot got tighter and tighter around her neck. Hannah was going to choke herself to death, but she had to see it.

She looked down, barely able to breathe now, and Hannah saw her own dead body laying there. No smell of flowers, no silence coming from the mouth. Just rot and chaos. She couldn’t breathe and she heard Katharina’s voice at the back of her mind again. But it wasn’t just Katharina’s voice, Hannah could hear herself speaking the words too.

“She is pretty, but underneath, she is  _ a horror.” _

Hannah woke up quickly, her heart pounding against her ears, her mouth dry, her hands shaking, her throat closed.

She coughed a couple of times and got up from the bed. She turned on every light she could along the way until she reached the bathroom. She opened the sink and threw water on her face before her shaking hands tried to hold up some of it so she could drink it.

It felt slightly better with the cold liquid going down her throat but it wasn’t enough, she needed something to shut her mind.

So Hannah left her room, turning on every light along the way again, and went downstairs to the kitchen. She knew what she needed and if it wasn’t for Katharina she would have had a normal night of sleep, but no, of course, she couldn’t fucking have that.

Hannah didn’t have time to grab a glass so her hungry hands went straight for the bottle of wine. But she missed it.

Her mind was so overloaded her hand just knocked the bottle down on the counter. It didn’t break, but the bottle rolled until it reached the edge and finally dropped to the floor, shattering in a dozen pieces.

Hannah watched everything without moving. It was like she wasn’t even in control of her body, and only when she heard the loud sound of glass breaking she seemed to return to reality.

“Fuck!” Hannah cursed loudly.

She stepped back trying to avoid the shards of glass and then heard someone coming down the stairs.

“Hannah?” Katharina asked as she came into the kitchen. She was a little out of breath - because obviously, she came running to check on Hannah. That was Katharina. “What happened?!”

When Hannah looked up to the blonde she felt a cold shiver running down her spine and she remembered the dream. Composure. Hannah quickly fixed her posture, straight back and wide shoulders, before she answered.

“I’m fine, I just-”

“What was that?”

Hannah blinked in confusion. “What was what?”

“That. You just looked at me and turned rigid.”

Hannah swallowed dry as she thought about what to say.

“I- I had a bad dream. That’s all.”

They stood there, staring at each other with broken glass and vinegary wine spilled at their feet.

Hannah looked on her phone. It was 3 a.m. when she heard knocking on her bedroom door.

Katharina told her she would clean everything and that she should try to go back to sleep. Of course, Hannah didn’t even try.

“Hey, can I come in?” Katharina said as her head peaked through the half-opened door.

“Of course.” Hannah said as she scooted over to one side of the bed, opening up space for Katharina to lay down by her side.

“I saw the lights were on.” Katharina closed the door behind her and got in bed next to Hannah. “Couldn’t go back to sleep?”

“No.” Hannah said with half a smile.

Katharina tried not to think about how close they were, and the fact that they were laying in the same bed together. She was there as a friend, just that. This was normal, it’s what friends do.

“You said you had a bad dream. Wanna talk about it?”

Hannah sighed. What was there to talk about? She was clearly going insane.

“No, I just… wish you would let me drink some wine so I could go back to sleep.”

Hannah was half-joking and half being serious.

“Well, that’s a step into alcoholism and I’m not letting you go there. You know why.”

Shit. Sometimes Hannah forgot how fucked up Katharina’s childhood was with her mother. She had no idea how Katharina managed to become this amazing human being with a mother like that.

“I’m sorry, Katharina, I didn’t mean to-”

“Shh, it’s okay.” Katharina whispered before taking a light hand over to Hannah's face and slipping a rebel strand of brown hair behind Hannah’s ear. “I just don’t ever wanna see you go down that path.”

“I won’t.” Hannah was making a promise. “I just need you to remind me sometimes.” And asking for help.

“I’ll always be here for you.”

“I know.”

They were so close now. Katharina’s hand had slipped to Hannah’s waist and she swore to God she felt the brunette shivering. Katharina just had to lean in, just a little. But she couldn’t. Hannah had to do it.

“I’ll stay here until you fall asleep, okay? Let’s see if that works for a dreamless night.”

Hannah smiled this soft and almost silly smile and Katharina couldn’t be more enamored.

“Okay.”

So Hannah switched off the lamp on her nightstand and turned back to watching Katharina. She didn’t remember if she stared at the other woman for hours or just a few minutes. All she knew is that she suddenly woke up to find an empty spot at the bed by her side. She looked at the clock on her phone and it was 9 a.m. and she had just had a dreamless night.

Next to her phone was a glass of water and a post-it note attached to it.

_ Drink this please. I’m at work, be back at 4. _

_ Call me if you need anything. _

_ love, K. _

Hannah smiled and for a brief moment, everything felt good and right.

… 

Hannah was laying on her bed and smirking while she reflected about the last few hours.

It had been a peaceful day. Hannah had worked and Katharina came back at around 4 p.m. like she said on her note, and they really had a good time for the rest of the night.

Katharina cooked for them - with Hannah’s moral support, of course - and then they watched an old musical - like Katharina had promised.

They still didn’t talk about the kiss of months ago and there was this palpable tension in the air. Katharina wanted to scoot over and get closer to Hannah, but she was so afraid. Hannah sensed it, of course, and at some point, during the second act of ‘Funny Girl’, she just laid her head on Katharina’s shoulder and waited for the blonde to rest her own head on top of hers. Hannah hadn’t felt safe like that since before Michael’s death.

When it was almost midnight, Hannah heard a knock on her bedroom door, and then Katharina’s head peaked through the gap.

“Still awake?” Katharina asked.

“Of course. I’m always awake.” Hannah gave a little smile before she scooted over to one side of the bed and petted at the recently opened space, telling Katharina to come join her.

“That’s humanly impossible.” Katharina joked as she walked to the bed and got under the covers - just like the night before. Hannah couldn’t help but laugh. “Did you have any more bad dreams yesterday?”

“No, I guess you really are doing the job.”

“I told you I would. Yesterday you slept in like, five minutes.”

“Really? I didn’t even realize it.”

“Guess I’m so boring you just immediately slept when I got here.”

Hannah had that look on her face which immediately made Katharina laugh. “Stop.”

“What?! It’s the truth.”

“I slept so quickly because you make me feel safe.”

And silence settled in the room because neither of them was expecting that kind of revelation at the moment.

Katharina’s breath got caught in her throat because god, all she wanted in this godforsaken world was to be there for Hannah. And to know she was making her feel safe? Yeah, it felt pretty amazing. Katharina held tight to herself so she wouldn’t lean in to kiss Hannah.

“Well, I’m glad.”

Hannah was blushing a little now so she just turned around and turned off the lamp on her bedside. Now, in the dark, she had the courage to turn back to face Katharina.

“Will you stay?”

She had to be doing this on purpose, Katharina thought. Hannah’s voice was but a whisper and Katharina’s entire body shivered.

“I’ll stay.”

Katharina stayed, and when Hannah fell asleep, Katharina slowly got up, just like the night before, and went to the other room, too afraid of the dreams she would have if she laid so close to Hannah.

… 

The next night was the same. They were getting into this sort of routine actually.

Hannah now left her lights on on purpose just so Katharina would go check on her. And of course, Katharina would climb under the covers, and each night they seemed to be scooting closer to each other.

This time there was only one difference: Katharina was exhausted that day. She had had three meetings at the school, besides having to push away a fight between two kids. Her tiredness was clear in her eyes. It wasn’t so easy being a school principal.

So when she laid there in Hannah’s bed and the brunette turned off the lights, Katharina’s body relaxed. Because yes, she felt safe with Hannah too, she had always felt safe with her.

Katharina’s eyes were foggy and Hannah had a soft smile.

She gently brushed away a few strands of blonde hair covering Katharina’s eyes and then Hannah let her hand rest there, cupping Katharina’s face.

“You look tired.”

“Pshhh, I’m fine.”

“Katharina-” Hannah said her name like a sigh. “You don’t have to be all Wonder Woman around me. You’re human, you’re allowed to feel tired.”

“Said the woman who can’t ever slouch around me.”

Hannah just raised an eyebrow at the defying comment and then laughed it off. “You’re a handful, Katharina Albers.”

The use of her maiden name called Katharina’s attention. Hannah wouldn't admit it but she hated saying ‘Katharina Nielsen’ because it just reminded her that nothing really mattered, Katharina would always be Ulrich’s wife. She would always be Ulrich’s. Never Hannah’s.

But she pushed away those thoughts, and in doing so, she scooted closer to Katharina and let her head rest on her chest before wrapping her arms around the blonde.

Katharina was tired but that action brought her back to life. She quickly wrapped her arms around Hannah’s waist and pulled her closer in response.

She could feel Hannah’s skin on hers, their legs bumping together and begging to be intertwined. Katharina could smell her perfume, that woody and sweet scent that was Hannah’s. She wanted to kiss her so badly.

But she wasn’t Katharina Albers, she was a Nielsen. She had a husband. She had Ulrich - but he would never be Hannah. And yes, she knew she was married, she knew she had a family, she knew she had a  _ status quo _ to maintain. But maybe during these few days with Hannah, she could forget everything and just pretend for a second that she was free in her choices and free in her desires.

If she could she would choose Hannah. But it was late and Katharina was tired, and this was no time to make such decisions. So she pushed those thoughts away.

“You’re a handful, Hannah Krüger.”

Hannah couldn’t help but smile when Katharina said her maiden name too.

Using those names made her feel like they were young and free again. And she wished she could go back in time, when they were still kids, still hopeful and naive. She wished she could go back to that night at the bus stop and tell her younger self to not hesitate, to not be afraid. She had been right all along. When Hannah found Katharina smoking with her purple jacket on, all cool and tough under the dim lights, Hannah thought that was the most amazing girl she had ever met. And she was right. She thought she could be with that girl for the rest of her life. And she was right.

Now, 33 years later, there they were. But they still had time, right? They weren’t so old. They could still be together and have a life. Right?

Hannah’s heart got filled with so much hope she could barely register her voice coming out.

“Katharina?”

But Hannah got no response. Katharina was already fast asleep. Hannah felt the blonde’s chest slowly rising and falling at the rhythm of her breathing.

Maybe tomorrow she could say it. Yeah, maybe tomorrow.

… 

Another day passed and another night where Katharina would go under Hannah’s covers.

“Did you sleep well last night? You were so tired you fell asleep before me.” Hannah asked, her eyes focused on Katharina’s as they shared the same pillow.

“I did.” Katharina answered with a laugh. “You’re very good for snuggling.”

“Hm, no one has ever said that to me. So, thank you? I guess.”

The two couldn’t help but laugh.

Katharina had woken up earlier that day and opened her eyes to see an image straight out from one of her dreams. Hannah was in her arms, sound asleep against her chest and she looked like a fallen angel. Dreams. Ah, yes, she remembered now.

Her worries were not in vain because while she was happy Hannah was free of her nightmares when Katharina was there, Katharina gained some dreams of her own.

That night she dreamt of what she always daydreamed about. Hannah was on top of her, naked, and Katharina held tight to her back while Hannah pushed two fingers inside her. She whispered something in her ear and Katharina woke up with dry lips and a pair of ruined panties.

It was hard being so close to Hannah.

“It is a compliment, yes. And did you have any more nightmares?” Katharina asked as she tried to push away her thoughts.

“No, not after you started coming here.”

Now. Just go for it. Lean in. She’s right there. God, she looks so beautiful. But Katharina couldn’t do it. Hannah had to do it. She had to respect her time.

“Well, I’m glad I could be your… dreamcatcher of sorts.”

“You’re more than just my dreamcatcher.” Hannah’s words made Katharina’s heart stop and Hannah bit her lip trying to contain her smile at Katharina’s dumbstruck expression. “You’re the reason I haven’t gone insane yet, honestly.”

There had been no more nightmares, and Hannah didn’t even remember the feeling of having them anymore. Even though it had only been two nights since her last episode, Hannah felt free, somehow.

Katharina filled the emptiness with her smile and her affection and that’s the way Hannah wanted to feel for the rest of her life. No more pain. No more seeing ghosts and being afraid of the dark. No more having to keep her back straight and be strong. No more drinking vinegary wine. No more feeling like she was cursed. Hannah could let go of everything because she knew Katharina would be there to catch her.

And Hannah wasn’t stupid. She had been paying attention the last few days and she knew Katharina still wanted her, but she was waiting, waiting for Hannah to signal that everything was okay.

“I’m not doing anything. It’s all you, Hannah. You’re the strongest person I know.”

“I’m strong because I have you.”

“No, you are-”

Katharina stopped talking because Hannah got dangerously closer to her and placed a hand on her cheek, softly stroking her skin.

Brown eyes were focused on blue ones and Katharina held her breath for so long she thought she would pass out. But she wasn’t numb to Hannah’s actions. Katharina let her hand drift to Hannah’s waist and gently squeezed under her oversized college t-shirt - the one Hannah stole from Katharina years ago and had been sleeping on for the past days.

Hannah pulled her hand away only to lean in and replace it with her lips. She kissed Katharina’s cheek so tenderly it made the blonde’s heart explode.

Katharina tightened her grip and pulled Hannah closer to her, her entire body in flames. She pressed her legs together while her hand slowly traveled up Hannah’s back under her shirt.

“You don’t have to wait anymore, Katharina.” Hannah whispered close to her ear before she pulled back to stare into Katharina’s eyes again. “What would you do if you could go back in time?”

Katharina’s brain short-circuited and she just stopped while trying to process Hannah’s words. Was that it? Was that the cue Katharina had been waiting for? Did Hannah really still want her?

And Hannah really wanted to laugh at Katharina’s expression. Did she not understand what Hannah had said?

“Katharina… you can kiss m-” But she didn’t have time to finish her sentence because Katharina seemed to come back to reality and she crashed her lips to Hannah’s.

It had been so long they both had forgotten how good it felt to be kissed with such passion and desire.

Katharina was starving. Her kiss was messy and it was like she wanted to have all of Hannah at once. Of course, Hannah couldn’t help but smile into the kiss. Her hands were lost in blonde hair, pulling Katharina closer. They felt like horny teenagers madly in love.

Hannah moved one leg over her waist and felt Katharina pulling her closer too - and that feeling made Hannah’s mind crumble, and her skin burned and begged for more of-

“Katharina-”

But Hannah’s words turned into a gasp when Katharina’s lips moved to her neck, sucking and biting and kissing every inch of skin she could find.

Hearing her name come out of Hannah’s lips like that was the best thing Katharina had ever heard and she hummed from Hannah’s touches. And as she came to understand what was happening, Katharina became more conscious of her movements. She was finally kissing Hannah, finally in her arms. Katharina wanted to savor that moment. So her lips slowed down, her touch was still firm but more thoughtful, searching for the spots that would make Hannah gasp and hum in delight the most.

When Hannah sighed at the feeling of Katharina kissing right under her ear, the blonde pushed her further into the mattress and moved to lay half of her body on top of Hannah.

One of Katharina’s hands went to Hannah’s chin and slightly tilted her face so they could kiss again, and Hannah wrapped her arms around Katharina’s neck, pulling her in.

“You’re mine now. Just mine.”

Hannah’s voice was deep and raw and Katharina got even more turned on than she already was. She dropped her head to Hannah’s neck, kissing her and letting the smell of the brunette’s perfume fill her senses and drive her mad.

That was all Katharina wanted. Forget everything, for that night, Katharina was Hannah’s.

“Just yours.” Katharina whispered in Hannah’s ear and her entire body caught on fire.

Hannah started pulling Katharina’s shirt off but the blonde quickly pulled away from her and sat on the bed before pulling Hannah with her.

Katharina took off Hannah’s shirt first before taking off her own. Then, she gently pushed Hannah into the mattress again before Katharina did a quick work of taking off her sweatpants.

Hannah watched in awe as Katharina crawled back to her. She wasn’t wearing any fancy lingerie but it was Katharina, and that was more than enough.

They returned to their previous position, with a lot less clothing now, except for Hannah’s shorts.

Hannah laced her arms around Katharina’s neck again and the blonde leaned down and made a trail of kisses from Hannah’s collarbone, to her neck, and then finally back to her lips.

Hannah melted under Katharina’s affection. No one had ever touched her like that. Katharina wasn’t afraid to touch her and Hannah could feel how much she wanted her.

Katharina’s body was warm and she shivered when Hannah dragged her nails softly against her back.

“I want you.”

Katharina was more serious now and that low tone made Hannah whine and press her legs together, trying to suppress the throbbing between her thighs. And of course, Katharina noticed it.

She let her hand wander around Hannah’s exposed stomach while her lips peppered the brunette with kisses. Hannah’s skin was soft and a little cold. Katharina’s fingers danced like skates against ice and Hannah whimpered while her hands tangled in yellow hair in search of anything to hold on to.

Katharina kissed just at the corner of Hannah’s lips while her fingers teased at the hem of Hannah’s shorts - and Katharina almost laughed at the other woman’s sigh of desperation.

“Please, Katharina-” Hannah sighed before pulling one of her arms away, taking Katharina’s hand on her own and placing it right between her legs.

Katharina barely breathed when she felt that even over the soft cotton material she could feel how warm Hannah was.

Hannah intertwined their fingers together and pushed Katharina’s hand further against her. She was on the verge of grinding against the blonde’s hand and Katharina whimpered at the feeling.

“God, Hannah-“ Katharina whispered against her ear and Hannah instantly closed her eyes as the Deja vú came crashing down on her.

Her nightmare. If Hannah opened her eyes… the rope. She couldn’t do it. She had to focus on the feeling, she didn’t have to see. She couldn’t open her eyes or else-

“Hannah?” Katharina softly called her.

“Yeah?” Hannah answered. Her eyes still closed.

Katharina watched her. Hannah’s face was tensed up. Her entire body had tensed up.

“Open your eyes.” The rope around Katharina’s neck. No, she wouldn’t open them. “Please.”

But Katharina’s hands were good. She was holding Hannah’s face with one hand while the other was making loose patterns on the inside of her bare thighs. Hannah felt safe and good.

“Open your eyes, Hannah.” Maybe it would be okay. It was just a nightmare. “I’m right here.”

And like Katharina could read her mind, she said exactly what Hannah needed to hear. She always did. And Hannah opened her eyes and there was no rope.

“Are you okay?” Katharina asked with concern written all over her face. “Do you want me to stop?”

Hannah’s response was pressing her lips to Katharina’s in a kiss.

Then Hannah found Katharina’s hand again and guided it under the hem of her shorts, moving over her underwear.

Katharina was treading lightly when her digits encountered a wet spot in the soft fabric and she immediately hummed against Hannah’s lips while the brunette let out the smallest of whimpers.

She started rubbing her fingers up and down against Hannah’s underwear while they kissed. Hannah’s hands were back on her neck, her grip soft but possessive. And when Hannah sucked on Katharina’s bottom lip just like the night they first kissed, Katharina almost stopped and moaned - and it was so fulfilling. It felt personal. Something that Hannah had saved all these years just for Katharina. Just for her.

Hannah’s breathing was irregular, her hips involuntarily moved towards Katharina’s hand, and she was wet. Her heart was on her throat, beating loudly because every second while kissing Katharina was exhilarating.

They were Adam and Eve, taking a bite of the forbidden fruit.

Katharina got confident over the soft whimpers echoing in the room and moved her hand past the hem of Hannah’s underwear. And the same moment her fingers touched Hannah’s most intimate flesh, Katharina truly realized how much they both wanted this

Hannah took a deep breath and barely responded to Katharina’s kisses as she felt the blonde’s fingers slowly slip inside her and move with care. Katharina kissed her and her fingers moved up and down, then in circles, nearing her clit but never quite there. Hannah only managed to hold tight and try to keep herself together.

It made Katharina a little proud of herself, to see Hannah completely shameless, biting her lip trying to keep her moans in control. But it also just made her fall even harder for her. And Katharina had never had sex with a woman before, but everything just felt natural.

Hannah was dripping and Katharina slipped one finger inside with ease - and Hannah finally let a long hoarse moan come out of her lips.

“Oh my god, Katharina-”

Katharina made Hannah lose her words when she licked her bottom lip and then let her tongue slip past her lips into another kiss.

Hannah moaned and shivered while pulling Katharina impossibly closer to her.

The dirty sounds echoed in the bedroom while Katharina added another finger, fucking Hannah slowly and painstakingly. And it felt good.

Katharina was so worried about making Hannah feel good she didn’t realize the other woman sneaking a hand between them and letting it move down their bodies. Katharina just gasped when Hannah’s fingers were moving up the inside of her sticky thighs.

“Hannah-” 

“Don’t stop.” Hannah whispered, her other hand still tangled in blonde hair. “Don’t stop.”

Katharina just nodded, upping the speed on her two fingers before she felt Hannah’s fingers pushing aside her panties and going straight for her center. Katharina moaned loudly, and Hannah was skilled, her fingers finding the hard nub of Katharina’s clit and staying there.

“Hannah-”

Katharina moaned her name and Hannah almost laughed out of sheer shock because Katharina was so wet and warm and ready for her.

“God, you’re so good.” Hannah’s voice was low and the praise went straight to Katharina’s core.

Katharina rocked her hips and tried to focus but Hannah was circling her clit now and she could feel the throbbing seizing and the pleasure flowing in her body.

“Hannah, I-.”

“Don’t stop. Please.”

And Hannah’s sweet tone was everything Katharina needed to hear. She let her thumb graze against Hannah’s clit and she thought her arm would start cramping but she wouldn’t stop moving until Hannah was coming for her.

And it didn’t take long. Hannah was already building up her orgasm and Katharina was right there with her. The two of them thrashing and panting and moaning, and it was chaotic but it was raw and kinda beautiful because it was something that both Hannah and Katharina desperately needed. It was a closure and a beginning. Another cycle they would come to understand in their lives.

“Katharina-“

“Yes?”

And with just another touch, Hannah tumbled over the edge and came with a loud moan. Katharina watched in awe as Hannah closed her eyes and her head slumped back into the pillow, but her fingers didn’t stop moving against Katharina’s folds. And Katharina’s heart was caught on her throat because everything felt so unbelievably good and she made Hannah come like that, and like a wave that finally broke, Katharina’s orgasm hit her and she came around Hannah’s fingers.

Katharina just laid there, a bit motionless, just trying to breathe and recover while Hannah slowly pulled her hand away from between Katharina’s legs and brought the dripping fingers to her lips. She cleaned them and tasted how good Katharina felt. And she was amazing. Everything about Katharina was amazing.

Hannah wrapped her arms around Katharina’s back and that seemed to have shaken the blonde out of her state. She raised her head, which had fallen to the crock of Hannah’s neck, and now blue eyes were staring at brown ones.

They stayed in silence for a couple of seconds before Katharina sat on the bed again and before Hannah looked at her with confused eyes, Katharina started taking off her bra and her panties before pulling Hannah’s shorts away and taking off the brunette’s bra as well.

Katharina adjusted herself back on the bed, snuggling closer to Hannah and then cupping her cheek before pulling her to a kiss.

Her hand then traveled down Hannah’s body, landing on her hips and pulling them closer to intertwine their legs. Hannah moaned because her center was now pressed right against Katharina’s thigh and she could feel Katharina's sex on hers.

Hannah wrapped her arms tight around Katharina’s back again and kept on kissing the blonde, letting her tongue travel around her mouth, a place so familiar to her now.

They fit perfectly, like puzzle pieces that had finally clicked together.

When Katharina started to move her hips and grind against Hannah’s legs, that overwhelming feeling rose in her heart and she pulled back from the kiss to look into Hannah’s eyes again.

They had always been friends but most times Katharina and Hannah could never read each other's emotions because most times they were trying to hide their feelings away.

At that moment everything was clear.

Hannah was in love. She had sparkles in her eyes when she looked at Katharina. But then again that’s how she always looked at Katharina. Nothing had changed.

And Katharina didn’t really care anymore about her last name. She didn’t usually cry that much but the realization that she had always loved Hannah hit her so hard the wind got knocked out of her and her eyes got foggy with tears.

“Hannah?”

“Yes?”

There were 33 years of unspoken feelings but just by looking into Hannah’s eyes, Katharina seemed to understand everything.

And Katharina let her love transpire in her eyes too and Hannah was quick to read all that had been kept a secret.

Hannah leaned in and placed a gentle kiss under each of Katharina’s eyes before pulling the blonde to her lips again. Katharina melted at her touch and they kissed just like lovers did. Long time lovers.

And everything felt good and right.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo what did you guys think?!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always lovely and appreciated! See you on the next one ;)


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